I want to start this with an obvious disclaimer. I am not a therapist or a trained professional in the area of trauma or anything else for that matter. So, what are my credentials? I have a masters degree in the philosophy of mind, I am an empathic intuitive and have done hundreds of readings around the topic of trauma and dealing with trauma and heartache, but perhaps most importantly I get what it’s like to have mental health issues and or to have a nervous collapse or breakdown. I have a lot of experience of living with these issues myself and having loved ones with these issues. SO there – that’s my experience and expertise.
I listen to Thomas Hall’s subliminal messaging tracks every night:
I AM NOT AN EXPERT and obviously, if you are experiencing any mental or physical health concerns, you should absolutely visit your doctor or consult a trained professional. HOWEVER, that is not to say that I don’t want to help you or that I can’t…. just please see me as a friend not a therapist. OK, now that’s out of the way, let’s get down to it.
“It’s very complex and will take a lot of working on, perhaps it will never go entirely but we can work on making it more manageable.”
This is a paraphrased quote that I have heard fly from the mouths of three separate therapists regarding me and my mental health. They all said it in a slightly different ways but it was roughly the same idea – they told me it would take a long time and it would be complicated… EFT training said, keep tapping until all your issues are cleaned up. I was like “Hello, I’ll never do anything else!” when I heard that.
BUT IT ISN’T TRUE AND I AM HERE TO SOMEWHAT DEBUNK THE MYTH THAT IT NEEDS TO BE HARD…
I can only tell you about my experience here and perhaps it will be different for you but, since we are remarkably similar, perhaps you might consider that some of my experience might correlate to your world and your life too.
I want to debunk the myth that all so called trauma and difficulty is some sort of endless painful drag that leaves you blighted for all of eternity. Now, I’m sticking my neck out here and I will get a lot of criticism I am sure, but I really don’t care. To be honest, I wish I’d read this when I was grappling with my breakdowns and I want to pass this well kept secret along.
Michael Sealey’s meditations are the best:
I do not dispute or doubt that lots of trauma benefits from mental health intervention both pharmaceutical and therapy wise. I have had both myself and I have benefited from both. However, I also want to tell you that I have also benefited from sometimes seeing past the idea that I have unresolved trauma that cannot be easily healed and dealt with. I live to tell the tale that it can and how it can.
I am not suggesting that you shouldn’t have medical intervention for mental health problems or that what I’m suggesting is an alternative. I am suggesting that there are many extra things you can do and try that might shift a lot of the so called unresolved issues regarding trauma you may be having.
To start with I want to talk to you about secondary pain… Let me explain. I think I came up with this term to label the mental chatter and thoughts we have about things that go wrong in our lives.
An example: we fall over and hurt our knee. The primary pain is the painful knee, the secondary pain is the shame of people seeing us fall, the irritation that we are so clumsy, the fear that it might get infected and the replaying of all of it in our heads with this sort of unhelpful commentary. Secondary pain is not necessary and doesn’t actually come from the initial problem we might be having, it comes from our thoughts and beliefs ABOUT the thing that has happened. So, someone breaks up with us… we feel the primary pain of loss and sadness but then we have the secondary pain of all the internal chat – what should I have done differently, why did it happen, shame, guilt and lots of story.
Don’t get me wrong, emotional loss and injury is more difficult to differentiate between primary and secondary pain than it is with physical injury but it doesn’t need to be a precise science. All I really want you to see is that in every case when we experience any sort of trauma we have the initial trauma and then we have secondary trauma which is self induced by our thoughts about the primary trauma.
If we could stop secondary trauma, that may get rid of a lot of your problems instantly. Now, that could be easier said than done but recognising what’s going on and starting to jump in and interrupt your own thoughts is going to be super helpful when it comes to moving past trauma and getting over it. How to stop your thoughts and the chat in your head is a massive area and something that people such as Michael Singer with The Untethered Soul and Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now, have spent their whole careers talk about. I can’t go into this in detail here and they can do it so much better than I can anyway, what I do want you to see is that the voice inside, that chats in a fearful and negative way, is one of your biggest obstacles to letting it go.
You may feel worried about this voice but you are not alone. Everyone has this inner critic or fear monger who chats incessantly… it’s not really even your mind but just ‘mind’ that you are plugging into. Have you ever said, “I’m so fed up with myself!” If you have you can see the fact that there is the real you watching the other you who you are fed up with… the you who is always watching is the real you. The one who is full of drama is not really you but your personality and mental noise… I don’t have the time or space to say much more about it here but I urge you to check out Eckhart Tolle’s YouTube channel and start learning about how the voice in our heads is perhaps our biggest barrier to moving past trauma. See the link below…
The thing to see is that our minds don’t always tell the truth, pay attention – it talks negatively all of the time, makes things up, jumps to conclusions and warns you constantly about things that almost never happen… It is not a reliable source of information and generally makes us quite unsettled at best. It is this voice that is creating all of that secondary pain. The reasons why it does this?? We cant get into it here. It’s too long an answer, but just see that it is not to be trusted or listened to without question…
Most of the time our minds are telling us about something that has already happened or that we are worried may happen. But our bodies don’t know the difference between an imagined event and a real one. Every time we allow our minds to run into the past or the future to some sort of horrible event, we are literally repeating our trauma. I do agree that when you have experienced something terrible there is plenty of evidence that it needs to be heard, processed and sometimes actions need to be taken. That is a given. But what happens when, like me, you have talked about it, had the therapy done the tapping and the meditations and it;s still as annoying as heck and hasn’t gone?
Here’s what I did…
When you head chirps up with some fearful thoughts ask yourself the following things:
1. Is it true? Sometimes the mind lies…
2. Is it happening now? It usually isn’t… we’re nearly always lamenting over the past or a potential future.
3. Am I being seduced by my mind? Are you being convinced by your mind’s thoughts about your thoughts… WHAT?????? I know that sounds complicated, please stay with me.You have a thought, ‘I am scared,’ then you have more thoughts about being scared such as, ‘You see, you’ll never get over it, you’ve been scared for so long now, it’s just the way you are,’ etc. Your mind can play MANY ROLES AT ONE TIME.
YOUR MIND CAN AND DOES PLAY MANY ROLES AT ONE TIME
It can convince you that one of the more sensible voices is the real you… but notice carefully, your true self is just back there watching the circus unfold.
WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?…
OK, we can’t do that.. also, we don’t want to. We still need to think about what time to go and pick the kids up or change the filter or catch the plane. BUT we don’t need to think all of the time or follow and believe every thought.
Solutions are as follows:
Don’t believe your fearful thoughts When something comes up, check if it’s true or needs your attention, once you’ve established it doesn’t let it go and every time it comes up just watch the thought and accept it … perhaps it will go, perhaps it won’t but whatever, you’re not believing it.
Take notice of the here and now When the traumatised thoughts come up, remember that you are respecting them but not getting into it any more. Allow them to be there if they want to be there but focus on the here and now with them in the back ground
Don’t be scared of being scared Once you can say that you accept feeling in pain, it becomes less painful. Running, pushing against and being upset about being upset is often making up more of the trauma than you realise.
Stop thinking that having pains or problems makes you broken It doesn’t it makes you just like me and everyone else. There is no hero and victim just people. We are all the same. We have dark and light and up times and down times. There is no rescuer on a white horse because no one is perfect and infalible. This may disappoint your mind but it will not sadden your spirit. You have no reason to feel ashamed or to be bitter.You may feel broken but you are not. Feeling broken and being broken are very different things. Notice how the real you watching all of it going on isn’t broken or even feeling broken, that part of you just ‘is’.
Spend a lot of time doing what you want to do or focusing on what you are doing Get fully immersed in living in the here and now. Focus on the present moment, keep busy but not so busy you’re just running. When you have free time, fill it with things that make you laugh and smile
Keep a gratitude journal Spend 5 minutes a day writing in it.
If you still feel traumatised and can’t get over it consider the possibility that you have a bad habit going and need to shift it. If you’ve had the therapy and processed what happened, perhaps you are just stuck in your old way of being. When we think the same things over and over again, they become ingrained and habitual – that’s how we can drive without thinking or do two things at once and hold a conversation at the same time. We are on autopilot.
If you have been dealing with an old issue for many months or longer – perhaps being traumatised is a bad habit.
PLEASE DON’T SHOUT AT ME THIS WILL NOT BE THE CASE FOR EVERYONE WHAT SO EVER… It was just MY experience.
I had gotten so used to feeling a certain way and thinking certain thoughts that I had to make a massive change in the way I lived and reacted to my own mind in order to make the change. In truth, my issues weren’t still there because they were very complex… although they may have been,… they were there because I was in the habit of thinking them.
Never the less the trauma was very real – at the time and it reignited every time I replayed it in my mind. It made me feel trapped, traumatised and horrible. But after months of thinking differently by intercepting my thoughts and doing new things in different ways to create new habits, it started to change. It hasn’t all gone but it is enough to know that I am on to something with this.
Does this mean the therapists were wrong in saying it was a lot to deal with and it would take a long time to work out. I am not qualified to say. What I am qualified to say is that Eckhart Tolle’s explanations of the mind and how we tell ourselves lots of complicated stories really resonates with me and it has become almost a mantra for me… is this real or is it a story I’m telling about the situation?
As a short term measure, If you insist on listening to your mind and stories, at least tell the best story that you can… don’t make it into a terrible, gory story that convinces you that you simply must live your life as a wounded victim.
EVEN better if you can let the pain go, feel it and release it and stop telling yourself any stories at all.
I want to highly recommend a few audios that really helped me heal and release my trauma:
How to stop worrying and start living Dale Carnegie – it’s very old and was first printed in the UK in1948. Despite its age, it continues to be both comforting and exhilerating when it comes to giving you a sense of camaraderie and support when dealing with getting over difficult things in your life. I love the audio book and have it on audible. The narrator’s voice is so comforting. (Affiliate link below):
Eckhart Tolle (books, audio and YouTube channel) – Take the time to watch a few hours of Eckhart Tolle clips on YouTube and you will not be disappointed. His explanation of how the mind talks and tells us stories is so on point. It might take some time to get into and perhaps you may find it doesn’t resonate at first but |I would encourage you to stick with it or come back to it when you feel compelled. Eckhart Tolle’s work is the best spiritual awakening information there is out there in my opinion.
Kim Eng YouTube– Kim Eng is Eckhart Tolle’s partner and her few videos on his channel are absolutely brilliant. Her explanation of how to move through and process trauma give really practical advice that goes deep. A lot of information about letting go of old pain is very superficial and means that we are left with a sense of emptiness or in-completion. Kim Eng addresses the trauma on a physical, emotional and spiritual level so that the releasing and the healing is deep.
I hope you find this blog helpful. Please read, subscribe and share. Thank you guys
Love Kat xx