I regret it. It’s the only thing I regret. But

I do. It will not leave. You will not leave.

 

I put you in that box. I drew lines around you

and under you. Box inside another box.

 

Did anyone see it? Can they see you? Surrounded

by six glass walls. Smooth, transparent.

 

Without arms to grasp. Pressed against cold surface.

Looking at you through a window.

 

You’re so close but for the impenetrable layer.

It’s impossible. You’re tiny, just a speck. An idea

 

floating in a see through casing. Trapped inside

my mind. The needle jumping with the scratch.

 

Ingrained – a permanent flaw on the drawing of

a great plan. And now the thought of you bounces

 

from one side to another. Ever increasing volume.

Sounds that bother me consistently.

 

Content life poked at and set askew. A crack across

the face of it all. To drive a wedge through that barrier.

 

To stitch together that which was ripped and lost. Waves

that ripple under skin’s surface. Desire so strong.

 

The avalanche with no space to collapse into. Closed

mouth with words pressing to escape.

 

Stalactites and stalagmites

Heavy rocks in my body cave

Dragging down and causing

Weight with pain of awkward

lagging faith.

 

Is it fernweh that makes me

Want to sleep and lay all day in bed

Instead of trying to stay ahead

Even in such pessimistic

times?

 

What is that drags my shoulders down?

Inner drowning, subsumed by grey

Unfortunate mental strain

A semi sleep that consumes

energy so quickly

 

Staring eyes and staring thoughts

Caught between awake and not

Inner drive forgotten, with lack

Of haste, the waste of

Another hour.

 

But it’s no big drama to leave it there

It’s only fair that life shares out

The days of inner inspiration drought

It isn’t a worry and tomorrow

Will soon be here.

 

It is so quiet at the junction,

The lights turn green to red,

green to red;

A single woman takes her walk

She doesn’t try to smile or talk,

She looks so nervous, bows her head;

She rushes past, looks down instead.

 

The sound is stranger with space between,

The road feels wide and empty,

sad and lost.

Shops are closed and some are boarded,

Homes bulge, inhabitants hoarded;

Someone peeps out past a curtain,

With a look of fear – uncertain.

 

No one knows what will happen next,

Confusion collides with emptiness,

disbelief.

Watching news and daily update

People wonder, what is their fate?

Is it ruse or silent killer?

The crossing fades to ever stiller.

 

The fear is set to full and panic,

No more green, only red and sad,

red and sad;

Empty roads feel wide, morose,

Unhappy hearts with fear so close,

We stay away for we are told,

And wait with only hope to hold.

 

Weighted down in glorious fashion

Breathing deeply in grateful expression

The pictures line the steady walls

With familiar sights that bolster calm

 

Music rings out gently and flows

Around my head and down legs to toes

Steady songs brings steady thoughts

Quietness fills the gaps between

 

Feeling inner body moves

Tingled fingers draws attention to

Inner world of sanctum peace

And gentlest of morning’s rest

 

The fan it turns in steady moans

The air is cool and sweetly flown

With dawning air that drifts in

Through open window laying there

 

Then take a deep and fuller breath

Is what is needed to bring to health

The mind that turns too fast can yet

Be calmed with loving handled set

 

The sight of you

makes my heart break

into two exactly symmetrical

pieces,

 

You’re so tall and wide.

Golden earth and rock

that holds inside a detailed truth

about me.

 

It’s a peculiar truth –

Is it memory or a return

to youth? Or a special something

else that I can’t see?